that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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