I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
