Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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