is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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