I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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