i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
