you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
