i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
