just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you made out with another girl for some wings
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
