I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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