i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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