I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
