I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
