i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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