Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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