I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you still have your period?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
