well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
