put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
