True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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