my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Every concussion has its silver lining
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
