I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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