There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
