i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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