Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
