My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
