That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
