My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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