Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
