worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
