It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You pole danced in your parka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
