i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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