Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
