On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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