Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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