I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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