she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
