please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
