she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
