If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.