Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem