margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse