She is in my trunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
