Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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