filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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