does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
