I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
