Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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