One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
