I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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