Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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