Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
