did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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