Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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