By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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