i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
