Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
