Me too!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
