We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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