Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize