I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
