I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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