The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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