can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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